I have a strange feeling which is very hard to describe but I'll try to explain it here. It doesn't botter me very much and it's not a case of live or death, but I'm curious and I'd like to know more about it, because I believe that when you understand your mind, you can improve your life.
Here goes my story>
I used to work in place a bit far from home. I had to wake up at 6,30am and I would only get back home at 8pm. When at home, I had to eat my dinner, take a shower and go to bed, otherwise I wouldn't wake up early. To be honest, I just had an hour a day to do whatever I wanted.
On my birthday, I bought a Playstation 3 with a game that I really wanted to play. I didn't have enough time to play during the week, but I had free weekends, and so in two weekends I managed to finish the game. I was not really used to playing video-games anymore, but I needed a hobby.
I wanted to play them, but I had to wait for the weekends. On the weekend, I wanted to do anything but stay at home. I wanted to go out with my gf and friends so to be honest I never really had time to play. In my job we were all allowed to use the internet, then I just searched things about games and more games. The more I knew, the more games I bought (At this time I had like 19 games) the less spare time I had.
So there was I, I could play on the weekends (and I really wanted to) but I always did something else, because my job was in a close room, I really didn't want to stay in a close room on the weekends too.
My girlfriend moved with her family to another state in our country and we broke up. At this time I could play on the weekends but I was sad and I didn't feel like it, also, I would rather play 3hrs a day than 8 on Saturday and 8 on Sundays. I had so many games to play and I wanted to that so much that I started feeling overwhelmed. I had two consoles, like 35 games, and just free weekends. I started feeling really bad, during the day (I work with computers) I just learned about games, watched walkthroughs, trailers, reviews, and I had so many at home and couldn't play. I sold most of the games and I just kept my xbox 360 and 4 games.
Now I just play sometimes, I don't go to gaming websites or things like that. Now I'm playing Final Fantasy 8 and I have more free time during the day, but I always get overwhelmed just by knowing how many games are out there. I don't know if the bad feelings remain within me. Even having my 3 and a half free hours a day, I still feel bad when doing something related to gaming. I don't actually feel bad when playing, but if I'm in a gaming website, watching a top list or whatever, I feel overwhelmed.
Why is that? I hope I made myself clear, because I can't really explain so I just told my story. Is that because I'm afraid of not having enough time to play again? Or because my gf broke up with me and I still feel sad everytime I play? Even though I don't feel bad doing anything else. Is that because I don't like gaming but I keep doing it because I think that I like? There are lots of games that I can't stand now. To be honest most of them. Is that possible that I don't like it? I'm really confused. Or maybe I used to like but I got a lot of negativity to everything involved? I feel like I hate it, but I want to play, or maybe I like it but don't wanna go through not having enough time to play anymore? I remember waking up and seeing all the stuff but thinking, oh I hate having to wait for the weekend, and on the weekend I couldn't play because it was a short time, ok 8 hours is a lot, but i didn't want eight hour in a single day, i would rather play much less everyday. Just by thinking about it now, I already get overwhelmed, it makes me want to sell the video-game, really strange, hard to explain
Here goes my story>
I used to work in place a bit far from home. I had to wake up at 6,30am and I would only get back home at 8pm. When at home, I had to eat my dinner, take a shower and go to bed, otherwise I wouldn't wake up early. To be honest, I just had an hour a day to do whatever I wanted.
On my birthday, I bought a Playstation 3 with a game that I really wanted to play. I didn't have enough time to play during the week, but I had free weekends, and so in two weekends I managed to finish the game. I was not really used to playing video-games anymore, but I needed a hobby.
I wanted to play them, but I had to wait for the weekends. On the weekend, I wanted to do anything but stay at home. I wanted to go out with my gf and friends so to be honest I never really had time to play. In my job we were all allowed to use the internet, then I just searched things about games and more games. The more I knew, the more games I bought (At this time I had like 19 games) the less spare time I had.
So there was I, I could play on the weekends (and I really wanted to) but I always did something else, because my job was in a close room, I really didn't want to stay in a close room on the weekends too.
My girlfriend moved with her family to another state in our country and we broke up. At this time I could play on the weekends but I was sad and I didn't feel like it, also, I would rather play 3hrs a day than 8 on Saturday and 8 on Sundays. I had so many games to play and I wanted to that so much that I started feeling overwhelmed. I had two consoles, like 35 games, and just free weekends. I started feeling really bad, during the day (I work with computers) I just learned about games, watched walkthroughs, trailers, reviews, and I had so many at home and couldn't play. I sold most of the games and I just kept my xbox 360 and 4 games.
Now I just play sometimes, I don't go to gaming websites or things like that. Now I'm playing Final Fantasy 8 and I have more free time during the day, but I always get overwhelmed just by knowing how many games are out there. I don't know if the bad feelings remain within me. Even having my 3 and a half free hours a day, I still feel bad when doing something related to gaming. I don't actually feel bad when playing, but if I'm in a gaming website, watching a top list or whatever, I feel overwhelmed.
Why is that? I hope I made myself clear, because I can't really explain so I just told my story. Is that because I'm afraid of not having enough time to play again? Or because my gf broke up with me and I still feel sad everytime I play? Even though I don't feel bad doing anything else. Is that because I don't like gaming but I keep doing it because I think that I like? There are lots of games that I can't stand now. To be honest most of them. Is that possible that I don't like it? I'm really confused. Or maybe I used to like but I got a lot of negativity to everything involved? I feel like I hate it, but I want to play, or maybe I like it but don't wanna go through not having enough time to play anymore? I remember waking up and seeing all the stuff but thinking, oh I hate having to wait for the weekend, and on the weekend I couldn't play because it was a short time, ok 8 hours is a lot, but i didn't want eight hour in a single day, i would rather play much less everyday. Just by thinking about it now, I already get overwhelmed, it makes me want to sell the video-game, really strange, hard to explain