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Did my wife cheat?

My wife and I had sex one time in a month and then I was out of town on a business trip for 9 days.  Needless to say, when I got home, I missed her immensely, both in a family way and in a physical way.  When approaching her in bed the first night I was home, she declined sex, saying 1. she wasn't in the mood, 2. I always hurt her, and 3. she "just wanted someone to hold her and like her".  We have been together for 33 years and I have always been a faithful and loving husband.  I have never mistreated her in any way, have never strayed on my vows, and give her the best of everything.  I have never been told anything remotely like "you always hurt me" or she just wants someone to like her.  After thinking about the situation over the next few days, (it was four days until she was "in the mood", it became increasingly a possibility in my mind that she cheated on me while I was gone.  I have no proof and she denied it, but those statements seemed and still seem VERY bizarre for our relationship.  They have haunted me for the last 6 weeks since it happened.  What do you think?

asked Nov 12, 2013 in Clinical Psychology by anonymous

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1 Answer

Hmmm...it seems several things are at work here at once. First of all I doubt she is being unfaithful especially after 33 years together. You said YOU had been faithful to her but has SHE been faithful to you in those 33 years? If not, then that could be the old suspicions rising up all over. She may have a mid age crisis going on and she may be experiencing what many middle age women go through and that is "drying up" and that is why she said "you hurt me". Perhaps she is starting to prefer intimacy "being held" instead of intercourse because let's face it after 33 years it's hard to keep things new and exciting and she may have just fallen into that rut. She did eventually "get into the mood" so another man may not be the problem. Ask yourself if the "love" has left between you two because love is at the heart of "love making" or else you are just committing an act like dogs do. One key clue for you is ...Married couples should make love because they are in love and not just  in heat. In your heart you will know the answer.
answered Nov 27, 2013 by Truth